So, this is acting...

Everyone has dreamed about what they want to be when they grow up. A dentist, lawyer, history teacher, writer, or even an archaeologist, to name a few. What if I told you that those professions were all aspirations of mine as a kid? Yes. It's true, I changed my mind constantly. I used to write stories an illustrate them at age 8 just to bring them to school for show and tell. I loved being up in front of people and entertaining them; this was before the stage in life where a person develops fear of judgement.

At the same time, I was a huge fan of the television show Home Improvement. I admired Johnathan Taylor Thomas, who played the quick witted Randy Taylor, and was just a few years older than me. I admired his confidence and ability to convey sarcasm as if he had written the script himself. It's a funny thing that happened. Home Improvement is not the reason I wanted to become an actor, but my awe that a kid around my age could be able to do what he did made me think I could do it too. I would audio record the show on my walkman and play it back, until I memorized the script. I looked in the mirror to try to teach myself the facial expressions. I found an outlet. A way to somehow be myself through being someone different. A weird thing happened when I was 8 years old. I discovered acting.

My uncle was in the local community theater group, and I was in awe of his singing, dancing and pleasing the crowd. He was a huge influence. I can recall going to all of his dress rehearsals and only some of the paid shows because we couldn't afford it. My dad had a steady industrial type job and my mom worked odd jobs. It seems like one of them was always working. We ate a LOT of eggs and toast for supper. But I always had television, and a dream. I would force my little brother into doing skits with blankets and cardboard boxes in our living room, complete with credits written on construction paper. It was my creative outlet. I could be weird and people would applaud me. What more can a kid ask for?

As a teenager, I felt like an outsider. I had my amazing best friend (she is still there for me to this day and was considered an outsider herself), but it was apparent that I really didn't fit in with the cool kids at school. So I sought acceptance in theater and music. From taking tiny, non speaking parts and getting my heart broken when I wasn't cast in my all time favorite production of ANNIE. (Earlier this year I was vindicated and cast as Lily St Regis, the girlfriend of the villain, Rooster Hannigan.) to some more exciting roles. Years went by and I was considered your standard drama geek, but I had found a place where everyone got to be weird and accepted each other for it. What more could a teenager ask for?

It was senior year of high school. I was so happy with myself for doing as much as I had with theater and music, and I had every intention of moving out to California, with no actual plan in place, to follow my dream as an actor.

But then another funny thing happened. I met someone, we got married and we had two children. No more acting. I was a new mom and the only audience I would have for many years was my kids. I gave up on my dream and went to college, and got a steady job working for an ophthalmologist.

Then I ended up in divorce. After a little while, I decided to put myself out on the karaoke scene, where I enjoyed many of my kid- free nights. I felt a faint sense of ability to be in front of people again, and as time passed by, my confidence slowly regained. I started modeling to gt my face out there.

Eight years after my divorce, I took a chance and auditioned at the local community theater, for a play called Frankenstein. I hadn't studied or even thought about acting in forever. Honestly, I was scared shitless and earlier in the day, my vision was double in one eye so I had to quickly run to my job, refract my own eye and grab a contact lens on my way to the audition, barely able to read from the script. I couldn't have had a worse set up, but somehow, I nailed it. Wait... I NAILED IT? Me? The girl (sorry, now a woman) who hadn't stepped onto a stage in 14 years just nailed an audition... I got the part, needless to say, and fell back in love with acting again. I still lacked the confidence factor. But I made a few great friends in the theater group, one of which is one of my best friends now, and they encouraged me. So much so, that they said I should pursue my dream.

Sure. That sounded great, but I live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and there was nothing around here as far as the film making industry is concerned. Until I got an email one day. A guy I knew from my teenage theater days, was now directing an independent film, based in his own hometown, where I just happened to live. He was living out in NYC, working on a Food Network show, but enjoyed creating side projects.

I got a small part in his indie flick, Nowhere, Michigan. The experience was one of the greatest few days of my life. I got to see the whole film making process and I had the pleasure of working with a very professional crew. I also took behind the scenes photos of other actors and crew members. I believed in it so much that I allowed myself to get fired for skipping work (a hostessing side job) just to be a part of the film. I knew that this was for me.

Fast forward a year and a half. I am married to my best friend, and my biggest fan. I am now fronting a rock band, and have a growing resume, am a regular on the webseries, Northbound (SeekaTV), have written and filmed a pilot for my very own webseries, have appeared in a handful of film projects, and have a number of them in the works. All because a few people believed in me.

This was quite a long post, I realize. But I had to fill you in on the girl I was, and the woman I am now. I have overcome the snickers of my youth and a difficult young adulthood. I knew what I wanted all along, but lost faith in myself. It took a few good souls to point me back toward my dream.

I haven't accomplished even a tiny portion of what I wish to complete in my life. But I am on my way to doing so. It will be difficult. There will be blood, sweat, tears and rejection. But there will also be positive memories, learning experiences, friends and accomplishments. In the words of the great Tom Petty, I'll stand my ground, and I won't back down.